When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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