Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize