Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
