this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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