Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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