people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
