Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Quick, to the slutcave!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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