Pappa wants mamma naked
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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