shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
