hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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