So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
