Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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