Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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