i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
