Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
