I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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