I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize