But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
