how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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