FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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