ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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