They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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