I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
