Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
