he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
