ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
