I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
