Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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