Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
