smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got inside last night via doggy door
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
