Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
