it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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