Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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