i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
