I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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