I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
