last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
