I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
