omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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