So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
