A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
