nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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