i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My ass is underappreciated
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
