dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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