i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You can't just leave with hair like that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
