Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
