Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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