..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
