dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
