I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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