Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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