Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
