i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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