I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
