nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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