My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
