I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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