i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
