I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
