she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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