mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
