I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
